Rei is a Witch!
by aj23701
Summary: "Where I come from, we have a ritual..." An I Think I'm in Love outtake.


A/N: Yet another one shot from "I Think I'm in Love". It's pretty harsh... It would probably be best to read that one before reading this one, but it's not completely necessary.

Warning: castration alert.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon.

* * *

"You got a problem, boy?"

Kei removed his lips from the straw of his strawberry milkshake to respond to the woman he had been glaring at since his girlfriend left the table to go to the bathroom. "I don't like you."

Rei placed her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands. "Well isn't that a shock. Come to think of it, I don't like you either."

The boy tried his best to intensify his glare and scare the woman in front of him, succeeding only in making himself look like more of a ten year old child trying to intimidate a lion. The strawberry milkshake he was currently inhaling only helping him look more immature, especially compared to the strong, dark coffee that Rei was sipping casually. "You do know, if it weren't for Minako, I would have beat your ass by now; woman or not."

An elegant dark eyebrow raised on the miko's forehead. She barely resisted scoffing. "Is that so?"

Her deadpanning only infuriated him more. "Don't patronize me!"

Rei simply took another sip of her coffee, enjoying the scalding on her tongue and ignoring the boy across from her.

"Damn it!" Kei's hands smacked down on the table knocking over the beverages resting there. "Don't you ignore me!"

Rei looked down at the seven dollar coffee that was slowly dripping from the table onto her forty dollar dress pants, glanced at the strawberry-coffee mixture on the table, and brought her angry eyes up to that of the irate teen across from her. "Next time you decide to have a temper tantrum, please warn me so I can wear something less expensive."

"You bitch!" The idol stood, reaching across the table and pulling Rei to her feet. "I'll kill you!"

Rei smirked, grabbing Kei by his collar. Her voice was just above a whisper. "If you want to challenge someone, you should know your opponent better." She pulled him closer so their noses were touching. "There is a reason I don't date men, boy."

Kei scoffed. "What man would want to date a domineering, she-devil like you?"

"Where I come from, we have a ritual."

"So you are a witch!"

"We capture our enemies through seduction. We then skewer and rip their testicles forcibly from their body. An ounce of the blood from the wound is taken and used to make a broth which is boiled over a fire. The skewered balls are roasted over the open fire and served in the blood broth. The prisoner is made to eat one of the testicles and drink half of the broth."

Kei gulped. Rei sounded much too serious for his comfort.

The miko's grin went devilish. "The other half-"

"What happened here?!"

Four eyes turned to the blond singer. Rei scoffed and sat down. "Your boyfriend decided to have a temper tantrum because I wasn't talking to him."

Minako frowned at her fellow idol. "Kei-"

The teen went to stand behind his girlfriend. "That bitch is crazy."

Blond hair smacked him in the face and Minako whirled to turn on him. "How dare you-"

"She said she skewered testicles and roasted them! And she made a broth out of blood! And made the man eat half of it!"

She blinked up at him. "She told you about that?"

"You knew?! Don't tell me you did it too!"

"No, no, no. I'm not from where she's from."

"So... It's true?"

Minako laughed. "Of course. Rei never lies." She sat back down in the seat she was in before she went to the bathroom, ignoring the gaping boy beside her.

Kei spluttered and looked from one woman to the other. "What- the other half- what happened to it?"

Rei's devilish grin came back. "I never got over the taste of it. Just the sight of male genitals makes me hungry."

The boy paled. "Minako- Mina it's time to go." Without waiting for another word, her grabbed her hand and ran from the evil woman in the resturant as fast as he could.

"Minako, I'm telling you, she's a witch!"

"She's not a witch; she's a miko. And if you had just let her ignore you like she wanted she never would have said anything about it."

"How does it not bother you?!"

"Because it's kinda funny."

"Funny?!"

"Well, I don't have testicles. And it's hilarious to see a grown man wither under her glare after she tells him about it."

"Did- did she stop doing it?"

"Of course! I'm not sure if she wouldn't mind taking a bite out of a few guys, though."

"And I'm one of them."

"You're an enemy to her. No matter what, don't ever let her seduce you." Minako laughed. "No one could ever refuse her. And the only person who could ever refuse me was her. It was the only thing she could ever do better than I could."

"No possible way."

"It's true. No one could ever turn her down. Sometimes, if she felt like it, she would seduce someone just to have them beg her and embarass them."

"You're lying."

"I'm not! She did it to me countless times. And it was forever before she ever even kissed me."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. Be careful if she ever bats her eyes at you. It means that your going to lose your manhood. You can't escape it."

Kei gulped and rolled away from his girlfriend.

Minako put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry. She doesn't do that anymore; and I'm not sure she would even want any parts of you in her stomach. Then again, I've been wrong about her morals before, so I would just be careful if I were you." She rolled away from him and went to sleep, smiling as she dreamt of teasing fingers and glances on a kingdom long gone.

* * *

Kei sighed as his feet touched the carpet beside his bed. Minako had already gotten up for the morning.

After brushing his teeth and showering, he headed downstairs. He heard Minako's voice coming from the kitchen. A glance inside showed him that her sorceress friend was also in there. His eyes met hers for a moment, and she smirked at him.

Still slightly worried about the previous day's events, he gulped, unconsciously covering his crotch with his hands.

Minako beamed up at him from where she was sitting when he walked past. "Good morning."

"Morning." He grumbled his reply as he shuffled to the refrigerator to get some orange juice.

Feeling eyes on him, Kei turned and met dark purple eyes. He quickly turned back to the juice in his glass. He poured himself another half cup, nearly spitting it out when he felt nails run down his back.

"Minako you scared-" His sentence was silenced by a finger that found its way into his mouth. He moaned as another hand ran down his abdomen, pulling up his shirt and playing with the pubic hair at the base of his stomach.

He felt a chill run down his spine when breath rushed across his neck. A fierce whisper was breathed into his right ear, "Did I scare you? You get scared too easily." Breasts pressed against his back as his hips roughly met the counter, preventing him from turning. "I wonder, is it as easy to make you scream in pain as it is to frighten you."

Kei frowned at the choice of words, but any reply he thought of was prevented by the finger that played with his tongue. It was soon forgotten as a finger found its way to his anus and prodded it gently.

"How does that feel, Kei? Do you like it?"

Any pleasure he may have been experiencing disappeared as the prodding finger tip penetrated him, led by a very sharp, very pointy nail. His scream rang out around the digit in his mouth.

"Oh? Did that hurt? Let me make you feel better." The finger left his anal cavity and reached down to stroke his balls from behind. The nail caressed him gently, before poking him lightly. The hand then reached down between his legs and grabbed his testicles fully, massaging them.

Kei moaned and sucked on the finger in his mouth.

A chuckle sounded in his ear. "Does that feel good, boy? Huh?"

The hand in his pants released him to pull his pants down his hips. The finger in his mouth was pulled out and a hand pressed against his back, pushing him roughly down onto the counter. The finger he was sucking on was pushed slowly into his anus. Kei cried out in pain as the nail ruptured his anal cavity.

For the first time, Rei's voice rang out in the kitchen, "You think that hurts?"

Kei's eyes widened in shock, pain and trepedition as a sharp instrument stabbed him through his ballsack. Rei grinned maniacally as he screamed. She removed her finger from inside of him, and, yanking down with all of her might, ripped his sack free from his body.

A cup was placed below the wound, collecting his blood as it ran from his body. When it was full, Rei dumped its contens into a boiling pot on the stove.

"You know, it's good that you have a gas stove, or I would have to go make a fire in the backyard."

Kei moaned in pain, slumping to the floor into a pool of his own blood. His nose smelled burning flesh, and despite the pain in his loins, he realized that he was smelling himself cook. He wanted to puke.

Rei kneeled beside him and placed a bandage - shaped much like a sumo garb - on him. "It wouldn't be good for you to die before you taste the delicacy that is your own genetalia."

Kei simply groaned and rolled onto his side.

"Here."

The boy squinted at the bowl in front of him, but made no move to take it.

Rei placed it onto the counter and sat Kei up, resting his back against the wall. "Look at me."

Kei's eyes opened slowly and widened in shock when he saw Rei stab his testicle with a chopstick and bite into it roughly. He felt bile rise up in his throat, and puked onto his pants when he saw her drink the broth with his blood in it.

"Kei?"

His eyes turned to the door where his girlfriend was standing. He wanted to scream, but his voice was barely a whisper. "Minako. Help."

She ran to his side and kneeled beside him. "Kei, are you okay? Kei?"

"Help me. That bitch is crazy."

"What are you talking about, Kei?"

"She-"

"Wake up! You're talking in your sleep."

Kei blinked a few times, realizing he was still in his dark bedroom. His hand immediately went to his crotch. He sighed when he felt his testicles still in place.

"What were you dreaming about? You were screaming."

"Rei cannot ever come in this house. Ever."

Minako laughed. "So you dreamed that she castrated you, huh?"

He responded with a nod.

"Don't think about it anymore. I already told you, you don't have anything to worry about."

"But-"

"Don't worry. Go back to sleep."

"But-" The light snoring Kei heard told him that his concern meant very little to Minako.

He sighed and stared at the ceiling until it was time for him to get up. His hand never left his crotch. That dream felt too real for his comfort.


End file.
